I am so thankful we serve a God who is intimate with us. Who knows us intimately--and whose love for us is unchanging. I am realizing I don't understand much about grace. About what it looks like to live in Christ's grace, nor about how to bring grace into my relationships with my kids and with others. I know and understand a lot more about rules. My prayer right now is that the Lord would teach me about grace. About what it looks like to live in his grace each moment....and what it looks like to bring grace into relationship with others.

I am in a spot where I am becoming increasingly aware of my complete and utter depravity. I am broken over it. I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe it takes coming face to face with your own depravity before you can really understand the grace of the Lord.

I am thankful that "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion into the day of Christ Jesus (Phil. 1:6)."

I am thankful for this Lord who is willing to walk through this life with us. We serve an amazing God. A God who fully deserves all the honor, and glory, and praise. A God who I am compelled to worship and love.

I am finally settling back in. It has been a week of adjustment, but the Lord is teaching me through it- and I am thankful for that. My whole future still seems so uncertain, and it is easy to get caught up in the uncertainty of the unknown. The Lord keeps reminding me to trust in him. To trust him and be faithful to him right now where he has me. To abide in him and draw near to him during this time of transition and unknowns.

DanDire, one of our boys got hit by a motorcycle yesterday on the way to school. He broke his collar bone and is now in a "cast" of sorts for the next six weeks. I don't think the boda (motorcycle driver) even stopped to see if he was okay.

Anthony, the man in Masese that I was helping before I left for the states is doing amazing! I can't tell you how amazing he looks! His face has filled out, you can no longer see his ribs, and he is even getting a rounded stomach! It is amazing to see the Lord bring healing to his body!!! Thank you for your prayers for him! Continue praying for him that his body would continue to heal, and also that he would come to know the God that we know and love dearly.

I got to go to pick up the kids from school.....will write more later....

I have a months worth of catching up to do. Di Di's World was a lot of fun!! I was actually quite impressed. There were some small roller coasters for the young children, the spinning tea cups, a ride like the "egg scrambler" at oaks park, a ride like the dragon boat at oaks park....it was pretty fun. And watching the kids faces while they went on the rides for the first time was priceless. Some were laughing, some you could tell were scared, a few started crying. Over all, it was a fun day though. The kids enjoyed it...and so did I.

During the kids Holiday we also went swimming--which when we go, for us adults, it turns into a whole day event. We take all the boys together, and then come back with the boys, and take all the girls. Normally after one group is finished, I am already exhausted--but I like to go with the second group still because it is so much fun for the kids--and it is fun to play with the kids in the water and watch them laughing and having so much fun. Since none of our kids know how to swim, it is also good to have as many extra pairs of eyes around just to keep an eye on all the kids and make sure everyone is doing okay.

Another fun thing we did during the holidays, just at our home was have a day where we had a water baloon toss, three legged race, wheel barrow race, water balloon fight, hot potato game, dance competion, and sweeties and soda. It was a fun family day. The kids had a lot of fun. And so did we. Everyone was laughing. Watching the yougest group of kids--kids 3-6 years old trying to do a 3 legged race was hilarious. The dancing competition was quite entertaining as well. It was a fun day with the kids.

I can't believe it is October already. A lot has happened--but it is hard to fill in a months worth all in one letter. I will close for now....

I got malaria- and things haven't been the same since. I don't quite know how to explain it, I didn't even get that bad a case of malaria. Holly and William are back now, which has been really nice. It is nice to have some of the responsibility lifted from my shoulders and the freedom to leave when I feel like I need a break. All the kids are healthy right now-- I haven't had to make a clinic trip in over a week--that has got to be a record!! The kids health is something to praise God for!!

This is the kids last week of holiday before they go back to school. We have tried to make this week fun for them. One day we had a "party" day- and had water balloon fights, 3 legged race, wheel barrow race, water relay, dance competion, and snacks and soda. It was so much fun for them--and fun for us to watch them have so much fun!! Another day we took them to a nearbye swimming pool--exhausting for us, but again, so fun seeing them have so much fun as they jump on our backs and swim around under water. Friday we are taking them to "Dee Dee's World" in Kampala. It is an amusement park/water park. I have no idea what it will be like. I'm sure it will be fun for them though. We don't normally get to do all these things with them--this has been a special week for them though. It is priceless to see their excitment and happiness over even the smallest things! It's alot of fun.

God,

You are good. I thank you for your faithfullness. I thank you that you hold me in your arms. That you hold me close against your chest and reassure me that everything is ok. God, I have got caught up in the business of life. I have got distracted. My gaze has come off of you, and onto circumstances and stress and things that need done. Help me to slow down again. Help me to slow down, and live in each moment. To never be to busy to greet and talk to the person that you put in my path. To never be in to much of a hurry, that I brush a crying child off- or that I slip out of the hold of a child who just wants a hug. Erase the "to do" list in my head. Sometimes I feel like the place is just barely holding together--and then I realize I am trying to hold it up on my own. God, how I need you! Bring peace to my spirit oh God! Bring rest in the midst of chaos. May my love for these children and these people be reknewed! May my convictions and servants heart be reknewed by you! May my gaze be fixed firmly on you. May I be swept away and awed by you. By your love for me. By the way you meet with me. By the way you speak to me. May I be swept away....by you. Once again. May I be captivated by you. God I love you, and I want to be near you. I find myself amazed by you.....

Come and breathe life into me. Awaken my spirit Awaken my love. Alligne my heart with yours. May it beat for what yours beats for, and break along with yours when your heart breaks. I love you, and just want to be near you right now.

Love,

Anna

July 28th

The Emergency Room here is much different than ones that we are used to. There were four of us in the room. My boy, and three others. There were not only four because that were all that needed to be in there- but the room only had space for four kids.The girl on the table next to ours was laying motionless. The doctor ran over and began to shake her "girl! girl!! girl!!!"- no response. What is happening to her? Is she alive? Finally she made a small noise- just barely audible- but loud enough to know that there was still life. The doctor yelled for someone to bring blood. A bag of blood was brought and they hooked it up like an IV drip. I watched as they frantically checked to see if the blood transfer was working. It wasn't. After a minute or so, they disconnected the bag, yelling that the bag of blood was expired. They rushed to get another bag of blood to try to save this girls life. The doctor looked at me and my boy appoligetically. "I will be with you in a moment, I hope you understand that I am trying to save this girls life.". I nodded. My boy, Faizal, wasn't doing well- but he was not as bad off as this girl. My eyes filled with tears as I watched this young eight year old girl on the line between life and death. Her dad was standing over her watching helplessly.
As they continued to work on this girl, a mother with her 1 day old baby stood behind me. Another doctor came in and started to try to help her. The baby's chest was rising and falling at an incredible speed. I have never seen anything like it. I don't know what was wrong. I don't know why she was breathing so fast. The hooked her up to oxygen. Another woman brought her young baby in. She opened the blankets wrapped around her baby, and I heard her start to cry as the doctor gasped at the sight of the babies intestines being outside of the baby. My boy was probably in the best condition out of all of them. They put him on a drip, and then transfered him to a ward.
Faizal is still in the hospital, but he is doing better now. He can walk, eat, laugh, and stay awake now. He can sit up on his own. He has come a long way since we got him admitted. Thank you God for watching over him! Please pray that he will continue to get better.
While Faizal seems to be doing better, I wonder about those other children I saw. Are they okay? Did they make it? What happened to that little baby....? And that eight year old girl? ...........How do you process something like that? Each of those are a human life! A life. Someone's daughter, someone's son. Words don't adequately expain...